Tuesday, June 14, 2011

No Sentry For Old Men


I had a crazy dream at 5am.

I was at the Sentry Foods at Hilldale Mall, back in Madison.

Where I worked when I was 13.

I had a broken leg but no crutches or walker, I was hoppin around.

It wasn’t going well.

And I also had Marlo with me on the leash, pulling me all over.

For some reason all I wanted was donuts.

They weren't by the bakery.

They weren't in the bread aisle.

They weren't by the cookies.

Marlo was causing a lot of problems for me, making me slip a lot.

I kept grabbing onto people’s shopping carts to balance myself.

Some would give me dirty looks, like they didn’t care my leg was broken, or they somehow didn't notice what Marlo was doing.

Finally I saw the donuts over by the flowers.

I started hoppin.

Marlo darted and I fell into this old man’s shopping cart, knocking it out of his hands and almost sending him toppling.

We both regained our balance and I looked at him.

He was really old. White, wiry hair. A funny little hat. Light blue corduroys from at least the 60’s. A tattered plaid sport coat.

“Sir, I'm really sorry, I'm having some trouble this morning. Are you OK?”

He took a breath and motioned toward Marlo.

“Young man, you can shove a can of soup up my ass if it means I can look at this beautiful dog some more.”

Then I started laughing really hard in the grocery store and woke up.

Best dream ever.


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Dave's Habanero Delight


My friend Dave and I have a standing bet every time the Packers and Vikings play. If Minnesota wins, I eat a habanero pepper, if Green Bay wins, Dave eats a habanero pepper. I hadn't seen Dave since last fall, so when he came to town this weekend I was excited to watch him enjoy the snacks I picked out for him at Whole Foods.

Dave chose to eat the peppers right before we all headed out to breakfast. When we got seated at The Lyndale Tap House, he had disappeared. I had noticed him grunting and panting during the walk to the restaurant, and figured he must have headed straight downstairs to the men's room. We then had the text message conversation below.

ME: You OK?
DAVE: Go ahead & order, this could be a bit. Get me a pancake.
ME: Talk to me about what is happening.
DAVE: The fever just broke, must have been 105. Im soaked in sweat. Pooping.

After about 20 minutes I decided to go downstairs and try to interview Dave while on his journey through discomfort. It really was like winning the Super Bowl all over again.