Monday, November 15, 2010

Living Near Gllen: Entry 0

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Janelle and Mark are dangerously close to owning the house across the street, which means Kate and I are dangerously close to Living Near Gllen.

Bidding on the house has been an arduous process for them, I had no idea 'short sales' can take so long. A pretty bad name really.

I hope I am not jinxing anything but if they have a favorable inspection this afternoon, the closing is scheduled for November 30th.

Which means my Christmas present to the world this year is the premiere of periodic Living Near Gllen entries, in the spirit of Janelle's own blog, www.gllenblog.com. To clarify, Janelle and Mark are a couple, and Mark also goes by Gllen sometimes.

Since I haven't posted a blog of any real substance in months (or ever) I know there is no reason to believe Living Near Gllen entries will appear with any regularity. I will do my best. May his cameos in this blog be as random and splendid as his occurrences in our lives.



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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Confessions of a Dangerously Bored Mind

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Yesterday I was at Target.

A girl was handing out samples of Starbucks® coffee.


"Would you like to try some coffee?"

"I'm allergic." (Lie.)

"Ohhh, well that is truly too bad!"

On my way to the checkout I passed her table again.

I grabbed a tiny cup of coffee, slammed it, tossed it in her tiny wastebasket and kept walking.

End of story.



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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

SOLEMATES!

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steve: gus has 1 kidney
steve: can't get over it
mike: not sure if i knew that
steve: he just found out
mike: WHAT
steve: yeah
steve: few weeks ago
mike: he has had all these surgeries and just now they realize this?
steve: yeah
steve: kinda like the moment i found out i have two different size feet
mike: 11.5 and 10.5 for me
steve: yeah me too
mike: same sizes !?!?
steve: your left foot is small right
mike: ARE THEY SAME SIZES AS MINE?
steve: IS YOUR LEFT FOOT SMALL?
mike: MY LEFT FOOT IS BIG
steve: WHHHHATTTTTTTTTTTT
mike: YES
steve: BOOM
mike: IS YOURS SMALL?
steve: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
mike: OMG
steve: WE SHOULD DANCE
mike: YOU ARE HIM?
steve: LOL
mike: YOU ARE MY SHOE SOULMATE?
steve: YES
mike: THIS WHOLE TIME?
mike: IT WAS YOU?
mike: I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BUY SHOES WITH MY WHOLE LIFE
mike: AIOSDUHSALD;KJNSADA
steve: HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE?
mike: APOSIDU;SADKJSALKDJSADSA
mike: I CANT BELIEVE ITS YOU
steve: A REAL CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
mike: THIS IS LIKE SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
mike: OR YOU’VE GOT MAIL
mike: THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT
steve: BUT BETTER
mike: A0IODSUSA09DUQ8W90D3IDHSA
mike: YOUVE GOT MALE?
steve: YES I DO
mike: i dont believe this
mike: ok, welp, when you get up here we're going shoe shopping together
mike: idc what people say
mike: or how gay it is
steve: i think our feet should meet first
steve: get to know each other
steve: find a sandy beach or something
mike: lets just lay flat on our backs and take our shoes and socks off and press them against each other
mike: you pick the music, i dont care
steve: beach boys
steve: i'm visualizing this right now
steve: i like it
mike: no, either enya or billy joel
steve: when did you first find out about your feet?
mike: the disparity became more prevalent in the last 10 years
steve: there had to be a moment
steve: where you realized your feet were not the same sizes
mike: in like 2000 was first time i tried on some shoes and said uhhhhhhhhh this is fucked hang on
steve: yeah mine was 2003
mike: idk if i just didnt notice in high school, or if they changed after that, or what
mike: at first i was angry
mike: i felt like a freak
mike: people staring at me
steve: honestly i thought the shoe companies were fucked up
steve: i fucked up my toe because of it
mike: yeah wearing a too small shoe is not an option
steve: exactly
steve: jammed my foot in shoes while playing sports
mike: but you wear a too big one and then you slide around and break your ankle and neck
steve: i always wore 2 socks on the small foot
steve: while playin sports
steve: never put two and two together
mike: yeah since that day, i always try on both, and then just walk around the shoe store shaking my head in self-loathing
steve: we should realy join a group…there are probably others like us




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