Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Bruce





A few weeks ago a friend showed me this Craigslist ad. Click on the image to read it more easily.


Bruce's Craigslist ad for naked labor.


I couldn't resist, had to e-mail this guy. I figured the whole ad was a joke and I might not even get a reply. I got a reply. It took off from there.


To be clear, at no point during any of this did I intend to hire Bruce or have him anywhere near my property. I'd also like to apologize to my wife and mother for doing stuff like this. I really am not a maniac. I like to laugh.


I also promise that this entire exchange is completely real and I did not invent or alter any of Bruce's responses.




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From: Michael R
To: mdsdr-295756XXXX@serv.craigslist.org
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 8:13 AM
Subject: handyman help


Hello,

Definitely interested in your services.
Do you have much landscaping experience?
Clearing dirt, laying border stones, planting, etc?
The yard is fenced in and private.

Thanks,

Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 10:45 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

Thanks for your inquiry.  I really do not have landscaping experience to speak of.  Many years ago I helped a friend build a big retaining wall and and I built a small one for myself, but that's about it other than routine yard work.  I'd be happy to work with you doing this but I don't think you'd want me to do it on my own.

Bruce


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From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 10:48 AM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Hi Bruce,

Aside from the landscaping project, I also have a bathroom remodel, and in the kitchen I’m looking to swap out new countertops and possibly replace the sink/faucet.

Are you more adept at any of that stuff?

Thanks,

Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 10:56 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

The things you just mentioned are more my speed.  I completely remodeled my bathroom, gutting it to the studs, replacing all plumbing and electrical as part of the process.  Replacing a sink and faucet shouldn't be bad.  I've replaced all of the plumbing and electrical in my own house myself.  I've never replaced a counter top before but would say it could be anywhere from fairly easy to quite challenging, depending on what it is made of and other factors.  In all cases, I think I would feel more comfortable working with you, or at least with you watching, as opposed to by myself just because I would want to make sure that everything I did was to your satisfaction.  When were you looking to do all this and where are you located?

Bruce

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From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 11:09 AM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Bruce,

For timeframe I am looking start at least one of the projects before May. I am located in Edina.

Given the free-spirited nature of your services I naturally have some mild concerns around whether or not you’re nuts. Just a little nuts is quite fine, but smearing peanut butter on your body or my TV is not fine.

The direct and articulate tone of your post makes me think this is low risk, but do you have any sorts of references or previous work history to take a glance at? Even if just a Facebook page where I can confirm you’re not wearing an ICP t-shirt?

Thanks,

Mike

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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 11:29 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

I don't understand the tee-shirt reference, but that's OK.  I don't think I'm nuts and I would certainly say I'm low risk.  I promise not to spread peanut butter anywhere you don't want it.  As for references or work history that you could see, I'll say this.  This is not what I do for a living, so I don't have a long list of references or body of work for you to see.  I find myself with more free time in the summer months.  Free time equates to less income.  So I'm doing this to supplement my income.  


That said, there is one person I've done a few small jobs for while working naked.  I could probably use him as a reference.  There's another person for whom I did a small job a few weeks ago, also working naked.  In both cases, I would get their permission before I gave you their contact information.  May starts next week already.  I'll have a lot more time, mostly mornings during the week, starting the week after that.  If you're still interested, what I suggest is that I come over and take a look at what you want done.  I'll tell you whether or not I think I can do it, we can discuss pay, schedule, etc. and go from there.  If at any point you decide I'm not up to snuff you can always tell me to hit the road (in a nice way, I hope!).

Bruce

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From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 12:18 PM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Bruce,

Thanks for the details. I’m thinking mid-May is a more realistic start time for me. We can connect for an assessment of the work closer to that time.

In the meantime, if the previous clients you mentioned give permission I wouldn’t mind shooting them an e-mail to confirm all was fine. Certainly nothing personal, just can’t be too cautious in the internet age. If you have a pic to relay (non-nude) that would be welcomed.

With regard to your services I’m curious how you arrived at the nudity decision? To be clear, I live with my wife here and am not interested in anything remotely sexual, but I’m certainly impressed by your business plan.

Thanks,

Mike

__________________________________________________

From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 12:18 PM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

I agree with you about not being too careful and I don't take it personally.  You are wise to check references.  I've got permission for you to contact one of them.  I'm still waiting to hear from the other.  You can call or e-mail him as follows:

Cliff
Clifford.xxxxx@xxxx.net
Phone:  612-XXX-XXXX

The photo I've attached was taken last summer.

As for the nudity, it's like this.  I love being naked.  I almost never wear anything if I don't have to.  I also like being seen naked.  Like I said before, my income drops in the summer, so I need to find a way to make more money then.  I think I'm pretty handy so I decided to combine the nudity and handiness in an attempt to make some money.  There are lots of places one can go to find someone to do pretty much any kind of work for them.  For the most part, none of them really stands out when you're looking for someone.  You have to admit that the word "naked" gets ones attention.  Honestly, if my ad did not say I'd work naked, would you have contacted me?  I doubt it.  Like I said, the word "naked" gets attention and I'm sure conjures up all sorts of images in the minds of those who read my ad. Furthermore, whether they admit it or not, I think most people enjoy looking at naked bodies regardless of gender or sexuality.  Sadly, some people probably see the word "naked" and immediately assume I'm some sort of pervert who has no intention of actually working and is using the ad as a thinly veiled plot to get sex.  I can assure you that is not the case and, thankfully, you appear to understand that.  Moreover, I very much like the idea of working for/with someone who accepts nudity for what it is, does not equate it with sex, and who may even enjoy having a naked person around.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying the sight of a naked person and enjoying it does not mean the situation has to turn sexual in any way.

I hope that long-winded explanation suffices.

Bruce


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Alright. At this point it became pretty clear to me that Bruce is dead serious about working naked, and dead serious about loving it. I e-mailed Cliff and he told me Bruce was legit and the work was done well. 


Bruce attached a photo, which I have censored below. He looks like a cross between Spielberg and Santa. Imagine this guy spread out on your kitchen floor, naked, installing a new sink.


Bruce, wearing his clothes.


It's time to shut this down, in a diplomatic yet creative manner. I appeal to a couple friends for advice on how to play it. In the end, I decide on the path below.


__________________________________________________


From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 6:38 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: Fw: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

Were you able to contact the reference I sent you?  I still haven't heard from the other one.  


Shall I try him again or will the one suffice?  Any further thoughts so far?

Bruce


__________________________________________________


From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 2:04 PM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Hey Bruce, really busy day, I'll be in touch.


Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2012 10:02 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

I don't mean to pester you or appear pushy.  I'm just wondering how likely it is that you will go ahead and have me work for you.  If so, are you still thinking mid May?  For how long?  I'm just trying to get an idea of what I'll be doing in the next few weeks so I can plan my life.  It would be nice if I knew whether or not this would be a part of it.

Have a good one,

Bruce


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From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:26 AM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Bruce, sorry, traveling overseas right now and really have my hands full. I'll get in touch when I'm stateside again.


Mike


__________________________________________________


From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2012 10:06 AM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Good morning Bruce,

Sorry for my sparse communication, I ran into some trouble during a research trip in Thailand this month. It’s all sorted now.

The work. I’d like to start with the kitchen remodel since my wife is out of town for a few weeks. I think tackling the countertops first is the way to go, then address installing a new sink, and lastly take a look at throwing in some new cabinets. I’ve already selected a material for the new counters, really easy to clean. Are you free sometime this week to come take a look and determine how much help you can be?

My schedule for the next few weeks is pretty wide open. I think we can easily get this done in a few ten-hour days. I should note that my house will be a pretty unique work environment for awhile. I’ve got a number of houseguests with me for a stretch until their friends arrive in MN to pick them up. Some of these guests are very young, and some don’t really have the parts you’d expect. Most of them also share your same open and natural attitude toward nudity. They certainly won’t bother us and none of them even speak English. Just figured it was worth mentioning this so you’re not surprised or anything when you stop over to take a look at the kitchen.


Talk to you soon,

Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2012 3:29 PM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

The best time for me to take a look would be Thursday after about 1:00 or so or any time Friday morning or afternoon.  Would you like me to be naked when I come over?  Am I to understand that you will have guests while we're working but it's OK for me to be naked even so?

Bruce


__________________________________________________


From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2012 5:10 PM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Bruce,

Yes, the guests will be around the house while we are working. It is definitely OK for you to be naked around them, most of them have been naked for months. They can get kind of annoying sometimes and I don’t speak Thai, but I find if I just wrangle them into the basement and shut the door I can get a couple hours of peace and quiet without some 12-year-old slapping my leg with her dick. 

I guess they aren’t all bad. Boonsri makes a pretty mean chicken pad thai. Phanphan does this crazy little dance when the microwave beeps, makes me laugh. And Chaulay has the softest skin you’ve ever felt. But make no mistake about it, I will be thrilled when Dmitry shows up to get them out of here.


Sure, be naked when you stop by. I’m thinking Friday afternoon works best. I might want us to swing by Home Depot just to price stuff out and see what’s what if that’s alright, I live a couple miles away from one.

Thanks,

Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2012 8:18 PM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)

Mike,

I knew I should have checked my schedule before telling you when I could come over!  I have another commitment for Friday afternoon.  I could make it Friday morning as long as I'm back home by about noon or so.  Otherwise Thursday any time after about 1:00 or so.  Otherwise we're looking at next week.

That's going to be some strange situation at your house!  Sounds like everyone in the house will be naked except you!  Or are you going to work naked, too?  Should be interesting!

Bruce
612-XXX-XXXX


__________________________________________________


I really didn't expect to get a reply to my last e-mail. Who in the world could be down for some nude labor around a handful of illegal thai ladyboys? Bruce. Bruce is down for that. 


At this point I am also suspicious that Bruce is onto my joke and running with it anyway. He is using exclamation points. He is adding his phone number. Is he calling my bluff?  Or is he truly into this? I can't decide.


I realize I don't care and decide to continue pushing it until I find something that makes Bruce flinch. It doesn't take long.


__________________________________________________


From: Michael R
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:24 AM
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Bruce,

Friday morning won’t work for me. Let’s aim for Monday?

Yes, a strange situation indeed inside my house. No, I will not be naked. I am what some refer to as a ‘never nude,’ meaning I am almost never naked, let alone naked with an audience. My wife has only seen me in the buff twice, and I had to take three days off work after both of those incidents to recover from the trauma. I think I was probably born with a towel on.

Maybe that is why I’m so intrigued by naked people and always seem to have some around. Perhaps my subconscious is compensating for my own fears somehow, reaching out for the naked it needs. I don’t know. I don’t have the time or money to explore the psychological imbalances that propel me.

Growing up in rural Montana, my dad always had his friends over and they would all walk around naked. Play cards naked. Watch baseball naked. Yell at the TV naked. Shoot at cans naked. At the end of the night he and/or a friend would usually come into my room and cuddle up with me in my bed, naked, just holding me. Nothing molesty or anything, just good old fashioned naked cuddling. Though I, of course, was clothed in full pajamas complete with footies. 

Unfortunately my dad passed a couple years ago. I’ve done my best to deal with it. I stay busy with work. I travel a lot. My wife is really supportive. But one void that remains glaringly unfilled is the naked bedtime man-cuddling. As I said, it was never anything sexual, not in the least bit. So, I’m just going to put it out there: if after a ten-hour day working in my kitchen I am ready to hit the sack, would you mind being the big spoon until I fall asleep? Just for half an hour or so? You could let yourself out afterward, or stick around and enjoy some potstickers with Boonsri. Again, not looking for anything sexual, it’s purely psychotherapeutic. I feel like it is the last step in saying bye to dad.

Home Depot opens at 7am on Monday, we could get an early start if you’re up for it.

Thanks,

Mike


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From: iworknude@xxxxxx.net   
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:35 AM
To: Michael R
Subject: Re: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Mike,


You didn't mention Thursday, so I'll assume that doesn't work for you.  Being a holiday, I have plans for Monday.  So that's out.  I could make it Tuesday or Wednesday morning or any time Thursday (I think).  I'm not sure if my schedule will allow me to work 10-hour days.  Some days probably yes and some no.  We can figure that out when we get that far.  I would not feel comfortable with curling up in bed with you.  I don't mind being asked, though.  I'm pretty open-minded.  I think it's cool that your dad and friends used to hang around naked.  I'm sorry to hear about his passing.  Can we shoot for Tuesday morning?


Bruce


__________________________________________________


From: Michael R
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 10:29 AM
To: iworknude@xxxxxx.net 
Subject: RE: In my Birthday Suit! (Minneapolis)


Bruce,


Unfortunately, I was able to locate a different nude handyman on Craigslist who is into non-sexual spooning.


Barry has great availability this week and also looks kinda like a cross between my dead dad and Tom Selleck.


Thanks a lot for your interest in the project, I’m sorry we couldn’t get it up and running. 


Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get Phanpeet to the hospital before Barry shows up.


Thanks,


Mike





2 comments:

  1. Crying. You are my hero Mr Ricketts.

    Kolby

    ReplyDelete
  2. Such dedication. So brilliant.

    ReplyDelete